Pushing a stroke survivor out into the public when they are not ready to go, can have disastrous outcomes.
You, as loved ones and caregivers to a stroke patient can become impatient, anxious, and want to see a quicker improvement on the part of the survivor. This is normal.
You want them to step out. You want them to mix, mingle, and connect with others. It’s what your inner self wants you to do. This is also normal.
What you were told at discharge, could be toxic to your loved one. You’re told the longer they wait to go out, the harder it will be.
They say – get them out, get them socializing, take them anywhere. It could be a walk in the park, grocery shopping, or morning coffee at the closest diner. But this may not be in their best interest.
You believe you are helping them by dragging them out. This is what you were instructed to do.
Their mind is intact, they have their intelligence, and they need to be allowed to make their own decisions. Making them go out will only add frustration, to the frustrations they are already dealing with.
The terrorizing torture on the inside of them may heighten to a point that could cause a seizure, enhance the already painful migraine they are enduring, or cause them to want to be homebound.
They are at more risk than the normal person is, when in stressful situations like these. This stress is not good for their health — physical or mental. Stress can be associated with having a stroke — or another stroke.
The survivor is extremely conscious about their disabilities when in public. They may be in a wheelchair, or unable to speak, or trying to eat with the left hand — when they are right handed.
Some disabilities after a stroke may not be visible to the naked eye such as seizures, headaches, and aphasia.
It takes time for the survivor to become use to different ways of doing things. They have to learn to accept the new life that’s been thrown at them. Pushing them out into the public too soon may slow their progress, or they may exhibit regression.
They may already feel horrible, unworthy, and useless.
They may not be ready to go out into the public and it could set them 2 steps back, when they’ve just moved 3 steps forward.
Good reasons not to thrust them out the door (yet).
People recovering from a stroke have limits, and it can be dangerous for them to overextend.
It can be draining for them. It can cause them to plummet. It can put them into a frantic state. They can become angry, frustrated, and terrorized.
Here are some things to think about, some challenges that you may not realize they are fighting against — and how you can know for sure when the timing is right to take them out.
They feel embarrassed, frightened, and vulnerable.
You must listen to their feelings.
Watch their reactions as they are being stared at — laughed at — and crowded out of their own space.
It’s like being in a wheelchair at a coffee shop, when the delivery guy comes in and puts cartons of product all around your loved one — not thinking they will be unable to move. How frightening that must be for the survivor.
Or being unable to speak — due to having a speech disorder after a stroke — and somebody walks up to them for directions. This has to make them feel embarrassed, awkward, and filled with anxieties.
They might feel vulnerable because of the intimidating looks and comments of people as they pass by them, because their crippled walk is too slow.
You must be careful and you must listen to the survivor. Don’t drag them out thinking it’s a good thing for them, because it may not be. Encouraging them is ok, but they need to make the final decision.
Realize that they need control over their lives.
Would you want to be “taken” out in public — for example — when you can’t speak and you have not accepted it, yet? It should be your decision.
Would you want to go out in public, even if you have accepted it? Again, it needs to be your decision – as it needs to be theirs.
Next time you go to lunch with a friend, try eating with the hand you use the least. Go ahead — from start to finish. Now — how many people gawked at you? How did you feel?
How saddening it is.
Think about having a seizure in the grocery store. How would you feel when coming out of it, and there are 20 people standing there gazing at you, as foam drools down your mouth?
Having disabilities is not the norm. As people stare at you, kids make fun of you, and people give you disgusting looks like you shouldn’t be there, you head into a downward spiral of feeling worthless.
What should you do — push them out — or not?
These are reasons why going out in public too soon can be such risky business for the stroke survivor. It can set them back, instead of moving forward. So what should you do instead?
Do it in “their” own time.
Not the doctor’s time.
Not the therapist’s time.
Not your time.
Give your loved one the choice. They will know when the timing is right. You’ll notice the difference in them — and in you.
Your life will be calmer.
There will be less arguing.
There will be less anxiety.
There will be less stress .
You’ll both be much happier.
You’ll enjoy the outing more.
You’re relationship will be that much stronger.
Be there for them. Show them love and respect. Give them a hug a day, and let them be themselves.
Let them select the time — in their time.
They will know when that will be — and better so — than you.
NOT SURE 